It’s not very obvious, but I worked quite a lot on my Blog today. Did some internal restructuring and stuff. Logged-in Users might see a change, apart from the teaser¹ issue.
Simon, guggst Du hier. Du hast damit angefangen

This day was awfully … weird. Slept for most of it, then got a very cute wakeup call. Something I can’t expect the next few days for very understandable reasons. Then I chatted a bit and fired off a … prolly rather unnecessary message. I’m sorry. But I hope you two follow my wish.

I had a … funny thought a few days ago. It was on my way to an early shift last weekend, I think² . Actually said thought is prolly like … half a year late, but what the heck? Once again I managed to help someone along. Bridge a gap. And in the process I actually helped bring something about which I had previously said would negate my very own position in that persons life. And … gee … It happened. I got the usual “No, I can’t see any reason why that would happen”. But hey … I got a lot of experience in being the hanky. Being used and then cast aside.
This is part of my reluctance to believe when people tell me that same sentence, sorry folks, I really am!

Oh, and just for the record: I am pissed at what you’re doing to you next of kin! Have you not learned anything from your previous mistakes?? How on earth can you let that happen? How on earth can you look in a mirror and live with yourself? She needs your bloody protection for gods sake!

With this blog I lately feel sort of like Isaac Mendez in his early days³. I know my most “impressive” entries have been done “under the influence”. I … despise the fact that I need “help” to get good stuff done. Yeah, I’m sort of aware of the fact that I do have a way with words, usually. Again there’s this pride-thingy. But hey … every person has something they do well, right? Anyway … I like writing. I tried writing stories … but to no avail. I guess I suck at the whole story-telling thing. Writing rants usually turns out to be rather funny, I am told. Maybe I have a future in comedy?

I was hooked on another TV-series. It’s bloody confusing at times, but I love it. Unfortunately I can’t watch some of the episodes cuz they are broken, which sucks. Looking forward to season 2.

I feel, that every person has a duty in life. I also feel that every person is given a gift or ability to make that duty possible. But I also feel, that one has a right to some form of compensation in any way, shape or form. I mean, that’s only fair, isn’t it?
Every person has things he or she wants from life or fate or whatever. I think thats normal, don’t you? Me – personally – of course I have a couple of things I’d like to have. Everyone does. But there’s very few thing I feel I have the right to demand, like I think everyone has. I can live with the fact that not all of my wishes will come true. That’d be … stupid. But heck … if every single one of your wishes and hopes is shot down, you have a right to get angry, right?
Anger can take many forms and possible remedies. I am aware of the fact that my coping strategies have been sub-optimal in the past. I am – once again – working on that⁴. Yeah, right now I wanna draw blood. And the urge is very hard to fight, but so far I manage!
I am aware that some of my family are … ashamed of admitting the fact that I have this disease. I can understand the reasons, and I have to say that someone made very large steps towards dealing with it in a positive manner lately (as in: shortly before my last birthday). And I really give you kudos for that, Dad! I’ve overcome that shame, but I understand that it’s a whole different story for others.

While writing all this I didn’t have music running, as usual, but a DVD. Emergency Room season seven. Specifically the episodes surrounding Dr. Greens Tumor. And I’ve always loved one quote from that one episode where he tells Dr. Carter:

– What are you gonna do?
- Die, I guess.

No idea why it fascinates me this much, but I guess the level tone, the “nothing special”-attitude sort of strikes a cord with me. I blogged about some stuff on this season before. But I don’t think I blogged about this, yet.
It also featured the one – to my knowledge only – Australian person on the series. *winkwink*

I’d love to not have to go to bed alone. But that seems to be unlikely for my current life. Ah well … whatever.

I guess this is another rather confusing post I made. Sorry for that, but I think it helped me sort some thoughts. Not the ones I want sorted right now, unfortunately, but important nonetheless.

The software fucked up the formatting. I’ll sort that out when I get up. Sorry for that.

Good night!