Watching the last episode of ER season 9 I sort of want to go and study medicine. Then head off to … somewhere. I guess that’d be a rather convenient way to go, and it’d actually help others.

I’m liking the scalding pure V does to me. Yeah, it sort of hurts, but I guess, this pain is better than alternative ways of … achieving pain might be.

I guess I have some problem(s?) with my kidneys … they have been hurting for a couple days now. Not really sure what it might be, but I guess it’ll pass, as pain always does.

Something I had desperately hoped for didn’t happen today. I think there’s some message in that. Even though I refuse to … accept delivery. I have no idea why.

I also watched some Bab5 tonight. And I know how this whole Marcus/Ivanova situation will end. And … looking at it closely … I start to think, that there’s some resemblance here. I know, given the circumstances and means, you and I would … end in exactly the same way. I know, you don’t wanna know this, but I gotta write it down.

Sis, I didn’t mean to “scream” at you tonight. But … this is something that has been bugging me a while. I didn’t mean YOU, but … everyone. Hope you got my follow-up, and are not mad at me.
You remember the bottle I showed you? That’s gone. All of it. By all rights I should not be able to survive that, but I will. And I don’t have any idea why, and I don’t like it.

Bit my cheek today, and … tasted blood. I miss that taste, even though I know I shouldn’t.

I’m very happy you have not tried to contact me. We’ll only be working together for another few … days, really, and that’s good. I know, you don’t understand my emotions, and why I might be upset. No amount of explaining will change that, cuz you just disregard what I say on this matter. Move on, but I can promise you … you are only gonna be able to have another ONE of your seven-year-cycles. You’d better wake up and recognize that! You be happy, and ignore the price. But … you can’t run from that price forever, and you better bloody well realize that, and soon!

This prolly is more of a thought-sorting blog than any before. I guess I didn’t make much sense, but … I needed to write some (maybe all) of this down.

There is one, single thing that’d help me right now, and I know it’s … impossible. So I’ll go and take a shower now, then go to bed and cuddle Max!
I ain’t gonna set an alarm, and just … hope you‘ll call sometime and wake me.