Watching some Bab5 … I saw the episode in which Sheridan is interrogated and tortured by his captors towards the end of season 4.

I’ve long wondered if I would hold up under torture. There’s times when I think I’d crack within a very few hours, and others where I think I could hold out for days. I guess it all comes down to how important it is what I am protecting, who/what is waiting for me on the other side of it all, what my “confession” would bring about.

There are very few things I’d consider worth more than my life. I guess it’s a few more things than most other people would claim for themselves, as long as they are absolutely honest and truthful. Thinking about it there’s prolly three people whom I’d give my life for without even thinking about it. There’s maybe another six or seven or so, I’d have to weigh against the value of what I am protecting. I’m sorry to say, that everyone else could go to hell, if what I was protecting was really important to me. Currently there’s … very little things or ideals I’d be willing to give my life for. There’s a lot more ideals I’d give a lot for, but not my life.

Here’s a good quote from Bab5:

You just have to say “No I won’t” one more time than they can say “Yes you will”.

Monday was a weird day for me. Travel was … crappy due to a lot of delay. I used the time to write a letter. I’m not exactly sure how I should judge it’s effect, though. Yeah, I think I’d have wanted a different effect or outcome, but … it’s okay, the way it is.

Not sure how I should understand the farewell’s either. I guess this is one of the situations where time will tell.

Once I got home, I had an extremely nice conversation, one I was positively craving for. I came out of it with a fucktonne of good feelings. At times it got rather intense, Which I think was great. I hope my impression was correct.
A later conversation was … ultimately equally pleasing, even though it had … serious and prolly disturbing moments. I guess those where important, but they didn’t taint the rest.

I’m beginning to think, that a certain tower is (becoming) decrepit. I’ve not yet formed a full opinion, but there are quite a few indicators. This is another situation, which has me in a mental loop. I like certain aspects of the fact, but the aspects I dislike are far more immediate. I guess, I could dampen the more immediate effects, but I am seriously unsure if that’d be appreciated or wanted!

Once again I am … extremely unsure about what life or fate has in store for me. Will I be happy, will I not? Will I make a difference, will I not? Will it be fair or will it not?

It’s uncomfortable to have such thoughts. Especially if they refuse to go away, and let you concentrate on more immediate and important things.

I have no idea if you know how Ivanova and Marcus end. I’ve blogged before that I can very well see us ending the same way, given the same circumstances.
“All for the sake of love” also comes to mind. I know people who seriously dislike such thoughts, and the message of the song. But I can’t help myself but think along those lines.

If a fairy would appear to me right now, and grant me one wish, I know what it’d be. Unfortunately I know someone (specific) would definitely dislike (likely even abhor) a certain aspect of it, but for me … that’d be the ultimate thing!

You where quite … persistent that I write another blog. I guess I did cover the aspects you wanted me to cover. Nonetheless I consider this a sub-standard entry. My third muse just sort of sabotaged me. The first one was slightly helpful to actually get me going, and the second … well … no comment on her. (Anyway: Are muses by definition female?)

I seriously do not look forward to my next workday. Not only because of the current time, but also because of the damn bloody politics. “bloody” actually is a rather good word in this case. Yeah, sure, it’s not really bloody, but in a metaphorical sense … there’s a fucktonne of bloodshed. And I fucking (sorry) hate that!
Mankind is ripping itself apart at the moment. We will have a war because of this. It’ll start as civil unrest, and spread to outright civil war(s). From there it’s just a small step to a world war. Unfortunately I have a rather good idea who’ll come out on top of that, as long as it stays conventional. Should I live to see that particular new world order, I’ll kill myself. That isn’t a threat, but a promise! I will never bow to that rule!

Once again I chose the aussie to … accompany me while writing this blog. I’ll go to sleep now, and hope I won’t ignore my alarm. I have something very important (for me) to do.

I hope y’all sleep well, and are good.

PS: Simon, thanks for a suggestion! You should visit me, I got a small surprise for ya.