These last few days have been … weird. I’ve had certain … impressions about how Sunday would be, but … well … nvm.

Then came Monday, which sucked in it’s own way. Not sleeping sucked, Work sucked, getting home – late – sucked, collapsing sucked, the phone sucked. Every time it rang my hopes soared, only to be savagely shot down.

Waking up the next day sucked again. Yeah, I managed to get some sleep, but that about sums it up. I still can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. I’ve experienced “stressed” and that was not only “stressed”. There was something more to it, and – as I said – I can’t shake the feeling that I have something to do with that, even though I’m told I don’t.

I haven’t the slightest idea why and how my mind came up with tonights dream(s). Apparently my subconscious has certain plans. These dreams where quite clear, focused and narrative. Maybe part of the “choice” has to do with past actions on my part, I don’t know.

And it seems like my subconscious mind doesn’t really care for this whole non-smoking-issue. I’ve still got a certain cough, and I’m sort of afraid I might be sleep-smoking (= derivative of sleep-walking). My lungs should have improved (more) by now … Well. I dunno.

I had set my alarm for rather early today, in order to be “on time” for a certain pone call. When it rang I … shut it off, and thought something along the lines of “WTF for?”. And I still can’t quite explain to myself why I thought that’d be a good idea. Following that I made a certain decision …. we’ll see how well I hold up with that.

I seriously want a cigarette now. But not as much as yesterday, after pressing the red button.

I’ll get ready for work now, and … head out.